mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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