There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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