If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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