Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
