I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
