Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
