dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize