its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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