I want to make a zoo with you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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