Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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