she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
