he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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