sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
