What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
