I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
