You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
