it wasn't lemon gatorade
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
