i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
