is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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