We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
