we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
