Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My penis needs a shock collar
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
