I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
