She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
