yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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