all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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