you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
