I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
