He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
