I wish I could teleport
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize