We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
