if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
