Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize