My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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