So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
