I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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