Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
