She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
