Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
