why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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