At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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