i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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