i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So. Much. Porn.
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