Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
