woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
