i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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