So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
