bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
