Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want to fling myself into the sun
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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