I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
