After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
