i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
