Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
