There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize