That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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