just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
