you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
