I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
