why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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