i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
