Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
