I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
