Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
