Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
