remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
