I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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