i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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