You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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