OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
