i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
