found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
