Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
