Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
