I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
