is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
